The idea for this post came about when a reader emailed me with the following question. It wasn’t the kind of email to which I could dash off a two line reply. And I felt it needed to be answered. But how to find the time among my other commitments?
Thank you for telling us clearly about Tong Len. It has taken me most of my life to free myself from my parents (now both deceased) criticism. What a wonderful way to come to terms with them as humans with their own struggles. The collateral damage to us children was huge. But maybe this is the struggle many of us have. It also helped me to understand my own complicity in this cycle, and see a more rounded picture.
I want to thank you for this article. For the last few years, I have been barraged by memories of when I was mean, rude, foolish, mendacious, self-serving, etc., with and to other people. It has been unceasing and I have been stymied as to how to deal with this, to make things as right as I can now, even when I have no idea what became of the person/people. It has been a burden in my later years. I have been working to be humble, accepting and loving. I feel this has not been enough and I shall give Tong Len a try. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for sharing so openly, Mary Beth. I hope that you take up tong len as a regular practice for a while, and perhaps share how it works for you.
Thank you, David! It may be surprising to hear that this process has already triggered dream action and healing. The night I started, I had a potent dream in which I met a Shadow figure, as I sought entrance into a restricted park. I had been counseled how to speak to him and did so, managing to soften him up somewhat to be given permission to enter this park and do my exercises. The park was filled with other Shadow figures. A woman approached me and told me his "real" name. In my dream a HUGE tree with far-reaching limbs and foliage, festooned with white flowers caught my attention. Strong, attractive energy emanated from it and I was awestruck.
What an unusual and powerful dream, Mary Beth! I certainly haven't heard of this kind of impact before personally, but the thing about so many Dharma practices is that they work on different levels of consciousness in different ways on different people asccording to their karma/conditioning. I hope your unfolding journey continues to open new doors - and not only to parks!
I concur with others- this "advice column" format definitely falls in the category of "skillful means". It is very helpful and readable and the specific information, in this case Tong Len instruction very practical. I am grateful. And yes, please, more of the same every now and then; this format makes a nice addition to your weekly offerings!
So glad that you like the format Cathy, and I will certainly welcome reader questions. As we all know, if there is one person in a group who asks a question out loud, chances are plenty of other people are wondering exactly the same thing!
I have had issues with my mother (now deceased) that I never got to discuss with her. I sent her a Tara Blessing from Mongolia where I was in the presence of my Lama, telling her I forgave her for everything she had done to me, but I'm not sure she understood. Thank you for this practice that I'm sure will resolve my problem.
Some years ago, I also had a very beloved cat who experienced a horrific death at the hands of a callous vet. The scene often comes back to haunt me and still now reduces me to tears. It would be wonderful if this practice could bring us both back into a relationship of love and peace...
Thank you, dear David, for all the blessings you bring to my life xxx
It is my privilege to pass on the insights and practices I have learned at the feet of my own gurus, Philippa. I know exactly what you mean about that kind of scene. Tong len can certainly change things, step by step!
What a wonderful article. Thank-you David. Someone once said "I was born to be kind, not perfect." So it is good to be kind to ourselves and others and to forgive ourselves and others for our mistakes. Most of us do the best we know how at the time - esp. in times of confusion, hurt and fear. I love the idea of the advice column! Happy Sunday to everyone.
Oct 22, 2023·edited Oct 22, 2023Liked by David Michie
Thank you, I expect this will be transformative for me. The advice column format is readable, and feels like a conversation. The tone of it is soothing and energizing at the same time. Similar to sharing HHC's insights in the Dalai Lama's Cat books. It has the same feel of coming from a place that is so much easier to understand and accept.
Great article David especially about making amends - it’s not as difficult as it sounds and it also makes you feel better even ifnuihbare rebuffed - at lest you tried. Animals know more about us than we know about ourselves. Many thanks
Such a timely and universal strategy for me to learn and practice, thank you. It fits beautifully with my struggles, tendencies and hopes. I also like the idea you shared of a regular Q & A.
This passage resonated most deeply for me, "If it is pride that’s holding us back - the feeling that both parties share the blame for whatever happened, and it’s up to the other side to make the first move - a lama would ask us where, exactly, is this ‘me’ who occupies the moral high ground? Why invent such a lame and insecure persona? Traditional mind-training (lojong) verses, tell us: When, out of envy, others mistreat me with abuse, insults or the like, I shall accept defeat and offer the victory to others. Letting go of the need to be right, of a self that deserves to be treated this way or that, frees us to be authentic in our actions." Namaste.💜🙏🧘♀️
Thank you, David! I think my "pump was primed". I have been doing Dreamwork for decades (now more casual) as well as Reiki healing meditations to help family and friends who request it. I found you via the Dalai Lama's cat series (love it!) and also have been trying to stay open to what Jung called Synchronicity as I stumble along my life path. Your posts always seem to have a lesson in them for me. I'm looking forward to opening those new doors! ;-) mb
Thank you for telling us clearly about Tong Len. It has taken me most of my life to free myself from my parents (now both deceased) criticism. What a wonderful way to come to terms with them as humans with their own struggles. The collateral damage to us children was huge. But maybe this is the struggle many of us have. It also helped me to understand my own complicity in this cycle, and see a more rounded picture.
My heartfelt thanks Helen. I am sure that many readers can relate completely to what you say. I am grateful for your openness.
Hi, David,
I want to thank you for this article. For the last few years, I have been barraged by memories of when I was mean, rude, foolish, mendacious, self-serving, etc., with and to other people. It has been unceasing and I have been stymied as to how to deal with this, to make things as right as I can now, even when I have no idea what became of the person/people. It has been a burden in my later years. I have been working to be humble, accepting and loving. I feel this has not been enough and I shall give Tong Len a try. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for sharing so openly, Mary Beth. I hope that you take up tong len as a regular practice for a while, and perhaps share how it works for you.
Thank you, David! It may be surprising to hear that this process has already triggered dream action and healing. The night I started, I had a potent dream in which I met a Shadow figure, as I sought entrance into a restricted park. I had been counseled how to speak to him and did so, managing to soften him up somewhat to be given permission to enter this park and do my exercises. The park was filled with other Shadow figures. A woman approached me and told me his "real" name. In my dream a HUGE tree with far-reaching limbs and foliage, festooned with white flowers caught my attention. Strong, attractive energy emanated from it and I was awestruck.
What an unusual and powerful dream, Mary Beth! I certainly haven't heard of this kind of impact before personally, but the thing about so many Dharma practices is that they work on different levels of consciousness in different ways on different people asccording to their karma/conditioning. I hope your unfolding journey continues to open new doors - and not only to parks!
What a wonderful idea, David. It's good to know I can write in with questions; thank you.
Great! Many thanks indeed, Sharadha!
I concur with others- this "advice column" format definitely falls in the category of "skillful means". It is very helpful and readable and the specific information, in this case Tong Len instruction very practical. I am grateful. And yes, please, more of the same every now and then; this format makes a nice addition to your weekly offerings!
So glad that you like the format Cathy, and I will certainly welcome reader questions. As we all know, if there is one person in a group who asks a question out loud, chances are plenty of other people are wondering exactly the same thing!
The advice column idea is excellent. This post was very helpful.
I am glad you like it thank you Carol, and that you find tong len useful.
I have had issues with my mother (now deceased) that I never got to discuss with her. I sent her a Tara Blessing from Mongolia where I was in the presence of my Lama, telling her I forgave her for everything she had done to me, but I'm not sure she understood. Thank you for this practice that I'm sure will resolve my problem.
Some years ago, I also had a very beloved cat who experienced a horrific death at the hands of a callous vet. The scene often comes back to haunt me and still now reduces me to tears. It would be wonderful if this practice could bring us both back into a relationship of love and peace...
Thank you, dear David, for all the blessings you bring to my life xxx
It is my privilege to pass on the insights and practices I have learned at the feet of my own gurus, Philippa. I know exactly what you mean about that kind of scene. Tong len can certainly change things, step by step!
What a wonderful article. Thank-you David. Someone once said "I was born to be kind, not perfect." So it is good to be kind to ourselves and others and to forgive ourselves and others for our mistakes. Most of us do the best we know how at the time - esp. in times of confusion, hurt and fear. I love the idea of the advice column! Happy Sunday to everyone.
Many thanks indeed for sharing, Trisha. Yes, I often reflect that we are Buddhists, not Buddhas!
Thank you, I expect this will be transformative for me. The advice column format is readable, and feels like a conversation. The tone of it is soothing and energizing at the same time. Similar to sharing HHC's insights in the Dalai Lama's Cat books. It has the same feel of coming from a place that is so much easier to understand and accept.
So glad to hear this, thanks Janice.
Perfect timing- as usual.
I have always loved the Tonglen but have needed a gentle kick up the butt to remember to use it instead of being overwhelmed in the miseries!
Thank you
Yes, that gentle butt-kick is something we all need pretty frequently, thanks Sarah!
Great article David especially about making amends - it’s not as difficult as it sounds and it also makes you feel better even ifnuihbare rebuffed - at lest you tried. Animals know more about us than we know about ourselves. Many thanks
So true on all counts, thank you Tom!
Such a timely and universal strategy for me to learn and practice, thank you. It fits beautifully with my struggles, tendencies and hopes. I also like the idea you shared of a regular Q & A.
Many thanks indeed, Mya!
Oh my gosh. This is wonderful and so simply explained.
Thank you, David.
My pleasure, Prue. So glad you found the explanation simple!
This passage resonated most deeply for me, "If it is pride that’s holding us back - the feeling that both parties share the blame for whatever happened, and it’s up to the other side to make the first move - a lama would ask us where, exactly, is this ‘me’ who occupies the moral high ground? Why invent such a lame and insecure persona? Traditional mind-training (lojong) verses, tell us: When, out of envy, others mistreat me with abuse, insults or the like, I shall accept defeat and offer the victory to others. Letting go of the need to be right, of a self that deserves to be treated this way or that, frees us to be authentic in our actions." Namaste.💜🙏🧘♀️
I am so glad that this post resonated with you Deborah! Thank you so much for taking the time to support and share this work!
Thank you, David! I think my "pump was primed". I have been doing Dreamwork for decades (now more casual) as well as Reiki healing meditations to help family and friends who request it. I found you via the Dalai Lama's cat series (love it!) and also have been trying to stay open to what Jung called Synchronicity as I stumble along my life path. Your posts always seem to have a lesson in them for me. I'm looking forward to opening those new doors! ;-) mb
Buddhist agony uncle? Yes please! And valuable to have links to relevant past posts. 🙏
LOL! Good idea about links to past questions, Candi - will do! I've already had a couple of other great questions for future posts.
That is so what I needed to read right now! Couldn't have come at a better time.
Thank you so much.
Elaine Bailey
So often the way, thank you Elaine!