Finding our guru: 10 points
Tibetan Buddhist teachings
Photo: The Dharma wheel on many Tibetan Buddhist temples symbolises how the speech of the guru engages with the minds of students, helping them turn towards enlightenment.
I sometimes get messages from readers along the lines: “Your writing helps me understand the importance of finding a guru. But I live in the small town of XXX and there is no Buddhist centre here. Can you suggest anything?”
So, the focus of this article is on on how to find our teacher – a subject not generally covered in traditional texts.
For simplicity I will refer to the guru/teacher/lama as a ‘he’ in this article, to save the constant repetition of ‘he or she’ or the grammatically clunky ‘they.’ Suffice it to say, ‘he’ may very well be a ‘she’ – gender is irrelevant on our inner journey.
The role of our teacher.
So that we all start on the same page, a quick reprise of guru yoga.
In Tibetan Buddhism the nature of our relationship with a guru is a subtle and multi-layered one. Whole books are devoted to this subject, and some of the most exquisite poetry has been written about the transcendent role of our spiritual friend, which is the definition of a guru.
In brief, a guru does three things for us. First, he conveys knowledge about the main subjects of the path to enlightenment (you’ll find an overview of the syllabus here). Hopefully we can find a guru who, like our favourite teacher at school, can motivate us with his own enthusiasm.
Second, he shows us how to practice. Just as no amount of information transfer will help us play the piano, drive a car or perfect a golf swing, we need a spiritual ‘personal trainer’ to guide us as we embody the Dharma for ourselves. Learning facts is merely a precursor to the far more exciting prospect of personal transformation!
Third, at a Vajrayana level, by offering relevant empowerments and teachings, our teacher shows us how to turn our ordinary world into transcendent reality. Heaven is not somewhere we need to die to attain – we can experience it now! But such a profound, non-conceptual change requires a shift in the way we relate to our very selves, our teachers and our view of reality.
While this third element may lie down the path on our Dharma journey, it’s useful to train from the start to see our teachers as no ordinary beings. They are special. In their own category. The role they play in our life is that of enlightened beings or Buddhas.
Finding our guru.
Once we have come to understand the importance of a guru, how do we go about finding such a being? The following ten points are partly based on my own experience and observations of fellow students over some time.
1. Our guru may not be Tibetan.
He or she may not even be Asian. Or a monk or nun. No nationality or level of ordination holds a monopoly on Dharma wisdom, and it’s important to let go of such ideas when we embark on our search.
Unlike organised religions which have priesthoods, hierarchies and organisational structures, Dharma centres generally spring up around a particular teacher, which is why it is sometimes known as ‘lama-ism.’ Sure, the lama and centre have affinities to a particular lineage, but it is unlikely to be funded or run by an external organisation. The spectrum of guru possibilities is therefore immense.
When seeking out a guru it’s helpful of let go of any idea of finding a Dalai Lama “mini-me”, and focus instead on finding someone you can relate to.
2. Our guru may not be famous or easy to find.
Some people – not you, I’m sure! - may be tempted to seek out a guru who is famous or ‘cool,’ hoping that some of the celebrity or coolness will be conferred upon us. Big name lamas have much to contribute, but the reality is that most of us require many hours of facetime in the presence of our teacher on our Dharma journey. We need someone we can talk to, ask questions of. This is a much better option that a celebrity lama who we see only once a year as part of an audience.
Even here, we may struggle. We may assume that Buddhist teachers in our town will have some online profile and any Buddhist centre should be easy to find. My experience of Buddhists in the West is that they are generally not well organised and have little interest in things like social media. They may be eager to share the Dharma, but they are often poorly suited to self-promotion.
Don’t assume that if a Buddhist teacher lives locally, he or she will be easily findable in curated lists of religious organisations or other obvious ways. By all means start your search like that. You may also like to consult the only global online directory I am aware of is Buddhanet: https://www.buddhanet.info/wbd/ - choose the Vajrayana option for teachers/centres consistent with my posts.
If you live far away from any of the centres listed on Buddhanet, you may need to spend a bit of time on the phone, calling those nearest you to see if they know any teachers/practitioners in your area. With some investigative work, it may be surprising what you can find.
3. Our guru may not live conveniently close
In our world, convenience is good and inconvenience is bad. If we have tried all the nearest Buddhist teachers and they just aren’t resonating, we may feel we face insurmountable karmic obstacles!
But traditionally, the difficulties endured to receive teachings contributes significantly to their power. Obstacles are opportunities to purify negative karma and prepare us for the transformative wisdom we receive.
The story of eleventh century Lotsawa Marpa, a revered figure in the Dharma, is highly relevant. Only after immense effort, moving from the cold Tibetan plateau to steamy India, and having to learn Sanskrit, was he able to find his teacher Pandit Naropa. Naropa gave him many teachings, but on several occasions when Marpa asked for specific instructions, Naropa said that although he could give him the explanations, it would be better for him to purify mental obstacles by travelling a long distance and enduring further hardships to receive teachings from a different guru.
I am not suggesting you need to migrate to a different country or learn a new language to find your guru! But Marpa’s story provides useful context in which to view the more modest challenges we may face in finding our own guru.
4. Our guru should have certain qualities.
A heart-melting smile, a spiritual vibe and unquestionable evidence of mind-reading may be nice for our guru to have – but they are not traditionally seen as the go-to qualities to be sought.
In his Path to Enlightenment, one of my own precious gurus, Geshe Acharya Thubten Loden, lists ten ideal qualities. If a guru doesn’t have these, then he should at least have five. And if not five, then definitely three! Let’s be practical and start with the three, because someone who ticks even these boxes may be hard to find. A guru should have more qualities than faults; more concern for others than himself, and more interest in future lives than this one.
And the five? He should be ethical, have good meditative concentration, have wisdom, understand shunyata and be compassionate.
The full ten qualities are: a mind controlled by pure morality; a mind that is pacified and undistracted through the practice of concentration; a mind completely pacified by discriminating wisdom; having greater knowledge than the disciple; having perseverance; a wealth of scriptural knowledge; realisation of suchness, the wisdom perceiving emptiness; skill in teaching the Dharma; having love and compassion; having abandoned discouragement and laziness in teaching the Dharma.
It’s impossible to know if someone we’ve only just met possesses such qualities. Even with long familiarity, some of these qualities are difficult to determine. But if we spend enough time around a teacher and any students they already have, we are better placed to form a sound view. Which brings us to the next point.
5. We shouldn’t be in a hurry to accept someone as our guru.
Like so much else in Buddhism, taking on a guru is not an emotionally driven, heat-of-the-moment impulse, but rather the consequence of observation and an unfolding relationship over a period of time. As Geshe-la puts it in his Path to Enlightenment: We should therefore be careful not to hand the string attached to this ring through our nose to just anybody and ensure that we entrust ourselves to a fully qualified Guru with the ten qualities. (Or, indeed, the five or the three!)
We may be fortunate to find someone with whom we immediately resonate. We may even sense a heartfelt connection to them which can only be accounted for in terms of some past-life contact. But if we go out seeking this idealised view of the guru-student relationship we may be disappointed. Much better to give any teacher we encounter our respectful attention, free from the burden of expectation or the need to make some kind of commitment. Allow things to unfold naturally.
6. We are free to ‘shop around’ first
Not only is it acceptable to visit a number of teachers and centres in your search for a guru – it is recommended. Different lineages emphasise different teachings and practices. Teachers from the very same lineage can have such distinctive backgrounds, training and personalities that the way they present the same subject is like the proverbial chalk and cheese. Our job is to find the one who will best motivate us to practice and grow.
Who we choose as our guru is entirely up to us. No teacher can tell us that they are our guru. If they do, the only thing we know for sure is that they aren’t!
7. Once decided, we shouldn’t flip-flop.
While we shouldn’t be in any rush to decide on our guru, once we have decided ‘this one is for me,’ we shouldn’t chop and change. One thing on our inner journey is certain: we are going to face challenges. Our guru is going to give us advice we don’t like. He may press us to do more, to go further, to force us out of our comfort zone, much like a personal trainer at the gym. If we have already decided that the guru is well motivated and wise, then our job is to follow orders, rather than to melt in a heap or storm out in search of another guru - where a similar thing is likely to happen.
I am not, of course, referring here to our guru asking us to do something unethical or harmful which goes against the Dharma, in which case we are told to refuse.
Contemporary culture, with its growing emphasis on safe places, trigger warnings and the like, seems to me to be at odds with the intensely personal dramas we may well encounter in our relationship with our guru. Part of our inner development depends on us cultivating equanimity in the face of views which run counter to our own entrenched attitudes, and recognising that our guru may sometimes have the unenviable task of pointing out to us what everyone else already sees in us, but is too afraid to say!
8. We may come to have more than one guru.
People move. Gurus die. All is change. Our guru may not offer empowerments but invite another lama to the centre who does – who is this new lama to us? Out of devotion and loyalty, students sometimes feel conflicted. If you now have two gurus, which is the more important?
In general, we are to think of gurus as being like Buddhas. And while the appearance of enlightened beings may vary dramatically, they are all ‘of the same taste’ – that is, an embodiment of bliss wisdom. Some gurus may be with us for only a season. Others for a whole lifetime. If we find ourselves with more than one guru, there is no conflict, and we need not place them in some kind of spiritual pecking order. They are different representations of the same mind of enlightenment. Different facets of the same diamond. That’s all.
9. When we meet our guru, he is not a Buddha. Our job is to turn him into one.
The imperfections of our guru will be apparent to us, perhaps from early on. Yet we know we are supposed to regard him as being like a Buddha. What to do?
A key Dharma teaching is that reality is mostly a projection of one’s mind. Sure, the teacher sitting in front of you exists as a separate human being from you, but how he exists, including his perceived imperfections, is coming from your mind. Others may not share your perception. If your projection is less than Buddha-like, don’t blame the guru. He can’t help it if you have a dirty lens!
Taking responsibility for the way we experience reality, including our guru, is at the heart of Buddha’s teachings. Shunyata is a deep subject, which needs to be understood not only conceptually, but experienced non-conceptually if we are to understand the truth of things. Even a conceptual glimpse of shunyata is earthshaking – a bit like staring at one of those Magic Eye patterns and, for the first time, seeing that the blur of colours conceals a startling, hitherto unseen reality that was there all along.
The deeper our understanding of shunyata, the more Buddha-like our guru becomes. And conversely, the more we perceive our guru as a Buddha, the deeper our understanding of shunyata. (If this concept is new to you, I offer a short video introduction to it here.)
10. Yes, we can find a guru!
We all know the cliché about when the student is ready the teacher appears. So, if you live on a small island in the middle of the Pacific and feel you have exhausted all conventional possibilities to locate a Dharma centre/teacher, maybe it’s time for a different approach. Specifically, have you created the karma to see a guru?
Cultivating a regular meditation habit, reciting praises to Shakyamuni Buddha, the refuge and bodhichitta prayers, the seven-limb prayer and prayer of the lineage gurus along with the path to enlightenment prayer – all these are powerful ways to enable specific karmas to ripen. Helping others nurture their relationships with gurus is a different, service-based means to help cultivate our own guru karma.
During the pandemic some lamas started teaching on Zoom. While no one suggests that they are the same as in-person transmissions, they are very much better than nothing. Some of the most head-spinning insights I have received have come courtesy of a teacher using Zoom. And there is often the benefit of being able to listen to a particular part of the recording a second or third time to develop clarity.
One of my own precious gurus, Zasep Tulku Rinpoche, and several of his senior students teach via Zoom. Feel free to check them out at https://gadenforthewest.org/events/ Some classes are open to all, and others to students with the appropriate empowerments.
Many readers, like me, are older Westerners with little in our early background to predispose us to Buddhism. It seems probable that our original interest in the Dharma stems from past life experience. If we had a guru in a previous lifetime, particularly one who offered us Vajrayana empowerments, it would have been his commitment to find us wherever we were reborn, and to continue as our teacher until we attain enlightenment. So, don’t leave him sitting there, rapping his fingers on the table waiting for you to show up! Reach out conventionally, clear the way karmically and be in no doubt: this is the most important relationship in your life. Like all else, your guru arises from mind itself. He is there, waiting to be found!
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I appreciate your insights and guidance always. 💜🙏🧘♀️
Something that I’ve been struggling with: what do you make of gurus who seem to have genuinely life-changing insights into the dharma but behave in ways that truly hurt their students? (Sexual abuse scandals, for example?)